For those who pay attention, my post earlier this week was rejected right as I started writing it. I will explain what happened later but first I will give a condensed version of what I was going to post:
Well, in a few months I will have been married for 15 years. It has been great. Emily is truly the best and most of the time she lets me have my freedom when it comes to crazy midlife crisis things, such as Ironman St. George, and I also have freedom to write whatever I want as long as it is towards my embarrassment (this is where I was treading the line…and now I am surely crossing it.)
After nearly 15 years, I was asked for the first time ever to head to the grocery store to buy some female hygiene items. I have certainly bought tampons before, but that was when Emily was with me and she put them in the cart along with loads of other items. As a side note, I am not embarrassed about those sorts of things either…ok…I am not embarrassed by them now. I used to be but when your father-in-law is an OB/GYN you pretty much become immune to all things when concerned with human plumbing. (Another side note…my father is a plumber but he deals with copper, plastic and steel pipes, whereas my father-in-law deals with flesh pipes.) Oh the stories that can be told about family dinner conversations with the in-laws and Emily has a doozy of a story about her sex education talk with her dad.
Anyways, back to my trip to the store. As I was driving to the store I was wondering what I should buy as a buffer because a man can’t just go buy a box of tampons. Do you throw a pack of gum along with it, or does that scream “BUFFER.” I am sure the cashiers have loads of stories about different “buffer” products and the embarrassment that men face. I decided to go with the Fruit Punch Gatorade. It is my favorite but I couldn’t just get one bottle because I figure that screams “buffer” just as much as a pack of gum or a Coke. I decided I would get four bottles. I think that made it look like I went there to buy Gatorade and “oh yeah, my wonderful wife at home needs these.”
So that was the gist of my post that was rejected. What happened was, I had titled the post “Aunt Flo” and written the first paragraph. I then left the room to do something and heard a “You are NOT posting this!” I came back in and let Emily know that she is not my proofreader, editor and/or Blog Nazi. She claimed that I had no right to post something like that because it was about her…I responded “It’s not about you, it’s about my trip to the grocery store.”
“Yes,” she exclaimed, “but I don’t want people to know about this.”
I quizzically responded “What? That you have a menstrual cycle? Surprise…you are a woman. I think people will safely assume that you have a menstrual cycle.”
I then got that special look from a woman who is currently going through one of those menstrual cycles that warns anybody nearby to BACK OFF!
So all that being said, I still may get in trouble for this post…but there is a silver lining…she’s not pregnant.